Overcoming Shyness on Your Date

Overcoming shyness may be a challenging feat especially if you were naturally shy as a kid or as a teenager. Although you can never really overcome shyness completely, you can at least minimize it. Here are some quick tips on how you can do so:

A Strong Visual Image
Most people tend to be shy when they are unsure of what to do or what to say in a given situation. The solution is to simply prepare for it. Visualize in your mind what you think is likely to happen on your date and prepare for the things you should say or do.

Be Interesting
Being an interesting person isn’t really something you can do over night. What you need to do is get involved with your community, join organizations, do better at work, or get yourself a good hobby. The rationale is that if you find something interesting to talk about yourself, which you can be highly proud of, then that would give you more confidence to go out there and consequently overcome your shyness.

Make Eye Contact
Wandering eyes can mean uneasiness and shyness. It may seem hard at first but you really need to establish eye contact with the person you are talking with. As a timid person, the first few minutes may seem awkward for you – but you will eventually feel comfortable as the minutes pass by. If you are talking, grinning and meeting a person’s eye after a couple of minutes – congratulations, you are effectively overcoming your shyness.

Be Yourself
Some people have a misconception about alcohol and overcoming shyness. Don’t try to get drunk thinking that it is the only way to overcome your shyness – it usually does more harm than good. Always be yourself and try to reveal your personality to the person you are dating. If you are a naturally shy person, then so be it – it’s better than pretending to be someone you are not. It is always rewarding to know a person likes you entirely for who you are, shy or not.

by Ron Zvagelsky

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5 Biggest Internet Dating Mistakes

pic Dating after a divorce is tough. You don’t quite know where to start so here are a few internet dating mistakes and their solutions.

1. Too much too soon So you have been ploughing through those endless profiles on your internet dating site and have come up with someone who interests you. There has been an exchange of emails. He sounds fun and witty and you begin to look forward to his messages. You find yourself getting up earlier in the morning just to log on whilst you drink your coffee to see if he has sent a response to your latest remarks. During the day you compile witty replies in your head and suggestive lines to throw his way. This has gone on for a couple of weeks and he suddenly asks if he can call you. Your chest expands; you are really excited and arrange a time. Now you are curled up in your favourite chair waiting for the call. Guess what it goes well, the same light banter, his voice is not what you expect but that is OK. You talk for an hour. This becomes a daily ritual which you begin to plan your time around. And then he invites you to dinner…

2. Throwing money at it It has been a while since someone invited you out to dinner (you may be just starting dating after your divorce). Your immediate thought is what to wear, need my hair done etc. This means that you spend the best part of a week running around with the one thought in your mind “I must get this right”. You seem to have disappeared and you feel that you need to invent a new person to go on this date. In order to be that person you have to package yourself in some particular way. There must be some key that you can find, a particular dress, new haircut etc. You believe that you need to make yourself more appealing.

3. Thinking that you know the person The evening has arrived and you meet at the arranged restaurant (good step, as all the dating advice recommends that you meet in a public place). You are especially nervous and excited but also slightly uncomfortable because the shoes are new and you feel a bit wobbly in them. It is strange you recognise this person but at the same time you don’t. The voice you know that but he does not look like the person in the photograph, taller, shorter a bit heavier or gangly something is not as you imagined. Anyway he seems quite at ease but maybe that is just a contrast to how you are feeling. Initially conversation is going well as there are points of contact from your previous conversations but it isn’t going anywhere. By the main course you are starting to drink a little too much to fill in the silences. Your feet really hurt now and you are taking surreptitious glances at your watch – only 9 o’clock. No dessert thanks and by the way you have an early startin the office tomorrow so you have to go soon. Can’t think of anything but getting out of the shoes. Yes it was good, do call me…

4. Fantasy – it’s only in your head Next day or later in the week, the emails/calls are still coming and you continue to respond. It’s a though you have never met and you can get on with the easy going repartee that has become almost a habit. In your mind he is something you want him to be, well not quite but you can have yourself believe that he is whilst you exchange messages and late night calls. You are starting to develop a whole life in your head around this person, you imagine where you can live with him, what you will do, holidays together in fact everything you ever want with someone. This is taking up a lot of head space but that is enjoyable in itself, you feel connected to someone if only in your mind.

5. Not paying attention to the signals A week or so more and you are becoming slightly irritated by the emails and are not responding quite so readily. But he asks you if you want to come out for another evening and that heart leaps to your throat again. You agree even though there is a vague memory of discomfort from the first meeting. Well you remind yourself that all the dating advice recommends that it is aout getting to know someone. I can’t expect to feel comfortable about everything immediately. He is suggesting dinner again, you don’t really want to but you are not sure what you want to do so you go along with it. You had arranged to see a girl-friend that night but you tell her you can’t make it, she seems a bit put-out but you put that thought aside.The second evening seems very long.

Too much too soon – It is so tempting to put all your focus on one person at a time when you are looking to date on the internet. But it is important to remember that not only are all those people out there looking at numerous people at any one time but you could be too. If you put most of your time and energy into any one contact at a very early stage this means that you cannot scout, screen and sort other possible people.

Dating Advice: Don’t make a big investment emotionally in any relationship without solid foundations.

Throwing money at it – Recent research has revealed that online daters are spending a lot of money taking out people who they realise, after the first 15 minutes are not for them. Remember be authentic, the packaging is only that and is not who you are. Meeting for a cup of coffee or a drink will give you enough time to assess whether this person is someone you want to know better.

Dating Advice: Packaging is not the answer, be clear about who you are, what you want in a relationship and set about finding it in a considered way.

Thinking you know this person – We can easily be seduced by email conversations and late night telephone calls. Apart from the actual chemistry that is missing in these exchanges there is that part that you know very well yourself, where you just reveal what you want at any given time. If you know what your requirements are in a relationship this will help you assess quite quickly if this person is for you. Most of us allow things to just drift along and are not pro-active in having a plan for ourselves when it comes to relationships.

Dating Advice: How is it we plan for everything except relationships? Take some time to plan what you want in a relationship before you get into a habit or rut with someone.

Fantasy – it’s only in your head – It is very easy to live in the fantasy of a relationship even from a very early stage. After all that is why you have signed up on the dating site in the first place – you want a relationship. However, being truthful with yourself is easier if you have a relationship plan. Then you can ask yourself, from the information you have so far, does this person tick some of my boxes. If so then you can continue to find out more about them whilst finding out about other people at the same time.Projecting onto any one person, especially at a very early stage, all you hopes and dreams is likely to bring you some amount of pain and heartache when you find this isn’t going to work out.

Dating Advice: Spread the emotional load by giving your attention to a number of people, it helps deal with the ups and downs of the dating cycle if you are not exclusive right from the start.

Not paying enough attention to the signals – it is amazing how quicky we can get ourselves into habits and relationships, however new, are one of those areas. We all like attention and contact with people but what about the rest of your life, those friends who have been around for you, your family. Anyone who might be for you will, you hope, want to share life with a person who has a balanced life and that includes all the other activities and people in your life. Straining towards exclusivity at a very early stage and throwing all your time and attention towards the relationship can be a disaster.

Dating Advice: Get out there and have any dating and relationships fit in with your life as a successful single. Know what your requirements, needs and wants are and look for someone who can meet these.

by Trisha Stone

5 Online Dating Safety Tips

Online dating is an excellent way to meet people as long as it is done safely. Before you begin chatting with those strangers on the other line, make sure to take a few minutes to make sure that you know what you should and shouldn’t be doing. Like any type of dating, it is important to realize that you do not know the other person on the other side of the instant message. In fact, the online dating game makes it even harder to know who is out there. Here are some simple, effective ways for knowing how to stay safe during online dating.

Tip One: Never give out personal information. One of the most vulnerable ways that this can happen is simply telling someone your credit card number, your online passwords, or your social security number. If they want to buy something for you, or need to borrow some money, run. Even if you have talked to them for years, you should never provide this information on the web. Instead, send them a money order or make the purchase yourself.

Tip Two: Beware of people who lie to you. Now, this may seem quite simple as no one wants to be around those that lie. But, in the online dating game, you really need to watch for those mistakes. As they found you, they can find others. In other words, don’t think that you are the only one that they are chatting with. One thing the online dating world is not is exclusive. Lying can be a sign that they are keeping things from you that are much larger. Be wary of this.

Tip Three: Don’t provide your home address to anyone. Again, you do not really know these people nor do you want some nut case showing up at your house. Don’t think they will do that? Ask yourself why they wouldn’t. Never provide your last name either if you information is listed in phone books or the web. Just make one up or simply don’t give one out. Having a name, phone number and address of an individual is enough to get some loans.

Tip Four: If you plan to meet them, meet them in an open, crowded place and stay there. Your first meeting should be someplace like a restaurant, a park or a movie theater where there are many people around for your own safety. Also, don’t stray from that location. On a first date like this, you shouldn’t trust anyone.

Tip Five: When you are participating in online dating, you need to properly prepare yourself. Many of the people that get on the web to find someone to talk to are just fine, but there are those that are looking at you as if you are prey. Not only do you need to protect your safety, but you also need to protect your heart.
Don’t put it on the line. Make sure your just looking for friends at first. If by that slim chance you do find someone to love, that’s great. But protecting yourself first and foremost is your goal in every online dating relationship that you enter.

by Bruce Morris

7 Words That Make You Irresistible To Women

bchDo you believe in the power of words? Read on to learn a simple trick that really works to increase your self-confidence and esteem. Try this simple exercise and increase your attraction to women.

It is important to do the exercise each day for at least a week. Have you notices that women are turned off men that lack confidence. They generally hate men that are nervous, stammer or are unsure of themselves.

I feel most women want to be lead by a masculine, sensitive man, which allows them to surrender and let go. Good confidence is real turn on to a woman. The hotter the women the more insecure most men will become. The bad news is that if you go on and meet your date with your Hot women in a nervous state, she’ll smell it a mile away. That is assuming you got her to say yes to a date in the first place.

Hot women usually test men in some way to see if they are up to the challenge and do not fold like a wimp. After all, a hot woman gets asked out many times a day. Usually a man will say, “gee you are beautiful, can I ask you out?”

Imaging been approached like that many times a day and you can see why the hot women will just turn away with such a lame approach. Men that say the simple word NO will be rare around very sexy women.

So what are the 7 words that help to make you more irresistible to women? These words are very useful when you have a hot date lined up and want to feel more confident and at ease.

So before you meet your date or even before you ask her out say these words…

I love myself and I am irresistible.

Now this might just seem like positive thinking but if you say this many times each day, you will start to feel this way. Think of how many times a day you put yourself down in some way by some sort of negative thinking, especially around hot women.

When repeating this affirmation, feel how an irresistible man would stand. How would he talk and what would his body language be. How would he engage the women by his eye gaze? Really start to feel in your body what an irresistible man is like.

When you repeat this exercise each day your body will learn what an irresistible man feels in his body. When you are feeling like this in your body, women will be attracted to you and not even know why. If you really love yourself, women will feel this and feel you will be able to love them too.

Another way to create this feeling of self-love is to imagine back in your past when you were totally successful with a women. We all have something from our past when we felt on top of the world and this radiated out. When we want to feel powerful, just turn your mind back to this situation and imagine in again. Again try to feel what it felt like in your body. Breathe it in to your belly.

I hope these simple tips will help you increase your self-confidence and esteem and lead to more dating success.

by Maurice Tate

How to Write a Magnetic Online Personal Profile

online datingWant to succeed in online dating? Your personal profile (or dating profile) may well be the difference between success and failure. Why?

Well, online, you are what you write. Your personal ad is your first introduction to the person you want to meet.

You see, during face to face communication other aspects such as body language, choice of clothing, individual scent, body language, poise etc. all come to play. While extremely few people (if any) are strong in all the aspects, your one or two strong areas might be so endearing that the other person might forgive or not even notice the weaknesses.

But in online dating all you have is your profile. Lose here and lose all.

Not only that but writing your profile does other positive things to you like:

1. Makes you admit that you do need to find a date.

2. Forces you to look deeper into yourself and get to know the real you.

3. Allows you to be specific about the kind of person you are looking for, beyond the basics.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of a winning personal profile, especially for the single person seeking a serious relationship.

Now, get pen and paper ready, get comfortable. You are going to take a few notes that will make your personal profile talk for you. We begin with the skeleton.

There are three key points to writing an appealing personal profile:

1. Know what you want

2. Know yourself

3. Know the type of person you want

Let’s break each of these down farther:

1. Know what you want: think about what you are looking for such as:
• A serious relationship
• Casual relationship
• A date
• Marriage
• A discreet partner
• An escort
• A companion
• A friend, pen pal, or e-pal
• Experimentation

Other things that it might help think of are:
• Kids or no kids (now or in future)
• Commitment
• Your sexual orientation/preference
• Age range
• Race, if it’s an issue
• Religion, if this is important to you
• Geographical proximity
• Educational background if that’s important to you

Write it down.

2. Know yourself- Apart from the generic information such as your age, height and weight, you will need to know your qualities, assets and liabilities as well as hobbies, likes and dislikes. Think about:

a. Your assets: Some things to think about are:
• Sense of humor
• Romantic
• Confident
• Sociable
• Honest
• Intelligent
• Ready for commitment
• Compassionate
• Open-minded
• Intelligent

The above are just examples, and don’t even scrape the surface. Let your mind run. Write down everything, however trivial or ridiculous.

b. Your liabilities: these may just be opposites of assets (above) or more. List these down. Here are some examples:
• Greedy
• Cheap
• Jealous (not always a bad thing)
• Afraid of commitment
• Depressive
• Prejudiced
• Substance abuse or history of
• Bossy
• Hard to live with
• Nagger

Other things to think about:
• What are your strengths?
• What are your weaknesses?
• What do you like to do in your spare time?
• Where do you like to go in your spare time?
• What do your friends like about you?
• What does your mom love about you?
• If you were to change one thing about you, what would that be?
• What type of relationship do you seek?
• What are your likes/dislikes?
• What makes you good company?

3. The type of person you want: This may appear easy, but surprisingly most singles do not know what they are looking for beyond the basics.

Now, try to go beyond physical attributes and get into the soul of the person you want. Think of qualities you would like, just as you thought of your own. Also remember that similarities as well as differences do make good matches (a talkative person might match well with a quiet one, for example).

Now you have most of the basics of writing your personal profile covered. Plus, you now can provide answers to profile questions on any dating site without struggling too much.

The next step is writing your personal ad. This is the heart of your personal profile.

When writing your personal ad, remember that you are selling yourself. Emphasize on the positive, but a negative well blended into the ad might work as well, even make your ad stand out (“I may not have the body of a supermodel but…”).

But first your photo: hugely important. Why? Because it is the first thing other people will look at before deciding to read farther. Also, the number responses increase dramatically when you post a photo.

The photo should be fairly recent and of yourself (not your cute cousin’s). It should be cast you in positive light, but not overdone. And please do not post a suggestive photo on a serious dating or matchmaking site (it will not be published anyway).

Also of importance is your screen name. Prospects will look at this before deciding to whether to read any farther. Make this short, catchy and descriptive. Avoid over-used terms such as “cuteandsexy42”.

While creating a screen name, it might help to zero-in on who you are and what you like to do (For example, “petiteblueeyez32” tells something about looks and age).

Next you will begin to write your personal ad. Start with a good headline: yet another hurdle to get over. Your headline should be short, descriptive, and easy to remember. Study other peoples’ headlines and see which ones attract you.

Writing: A conversation-style writing works best for a personal profile. Use imagination. See your ideal woman/man as though seating right there in front of you. Tell her/him why she/he would want to be with you.

Say what you like to do and what makes you exciting. Get excited. Write without worrying about spelling, grammar or length. At this point you’re trying to get your emotions on paper (or typing document), and stopping to make corrections only interrupts the flow.

Describe yourself. Say what makes you special. What you bring into a relationship. Your interests, hobbies, what makes you good company, what you bring into the relationship. Pour your heart out. And use action words. Give them something to make them remember your ad.

There are things you should avoid. Among them trite, canned expressions and overused clichιs. I can’t bear to read another “looking for my knight in shinning armor” type of personal ad. Neither can you, I presume.

Study other peoples’ personal profiles. If an ad catches your eye attempt to find out what makes it interesting. Model yours on these, but please don’t copy directly. Take your time and do it right.

Be honest. Be sincere. Don’t exaggerate and don’t fake. Above all, don’t lie.

When you are done writing, take a break. Let the draft seat for a while (even a day or two). Then come back with a fresh mind and begin editing. Make corrections on spelling and grammar. Cut clutter. All you will have to do now is transfer your personal profile on to the dating site of choice.

by David Kama

Why Online Dating is so Tough For Men

Online dating has become increasingly popular over the past several years. Every year millions of men turn to internet dating in an effort to meet more women without risking face-to-face rejection. Unfortunately, internet dating doesnt work very well for most men because the odds are so heavily against them.

According to a November, 2005 study by Jupiter Research, men are four times more likely than women to subscribe to an online dating site and twice as likely to browse, post, or respond to a profile. Obviously, those odds are stacked strongly in favor of the women.

When it comes to internet dating, to paraphrase James Brown, its a womans world.

This is quite a contrast from the off-line world, where attractive women are not approached nearly as often as men might think.

While doing research for my book, I surveyed over fifty single women in their twenties or thirties about being approached by men and their views on being hit on and dating in general.

The most striking finding from the survey was that most women very clearly want men to be more daring about approaching them. In response to the question, should men be more bold in approaching women, 82% responded yes.

With a lot of effort and time, online dating can work for some men. You will have more success with internet dating by viewing it as a major method of meeting women. Also, use one of the larger services like females.xxxdated.com. You will need to use a shotgun approach and will therefore want to make sure you are in as target-rich an environment as possible.

But oftenly to meet and date a lot of women you will probably need to revisit the old fashioned way. Approach women in person.

As the old saying goes, the more things change the more things stay the same.

When it comes to meeting women, a confident man who can approach a beautiful woman and strike up a conversation with her will always do better than the 99% of men who cannot. Technology might change a lot, but it will never change that.

by Kenneth Scott

Online Dating Success

bchTechnology has altered many aspects of our lives, and dating is one notable change. Thousands of people have turned to online dating to find true love, and it’s not hard to see why. The online dating scene can be convenient, low pressure and fun! With your computer and a dating website to guide you, you can find great success in the world of online relationships.

Although looking for love online may appear to be simple, don’t be fooled. It isn’t always easy to find what you’re looking for in the vastness of the worldwide web. If you are wondering how this process can be made easier and produce a better outcome, there are some ways to improve your online dating experiences.

First, you need to remember to be yourself. If you are looking for someone to be genuine with you, you need to be genuine as well. Remember this when writing an online profile. It would also be a good idea to set up profiles on several dating sites. It will help you to find and connect with more people, allowing you to have a better chance at success. These sites are designed to help you find the right person for you, allowing you to search for other singles and match them with you according to similarities and other criteria. This is the best, easiest, and most effective way to find romance on the internet.

There are also some things to think about when writing a profile. First, it is helpful to post a picture of yourself. No matter what you look like, potential dates will want to see you when looking over your profile. When you are writing the actual profile, remember that it is the way that people will first be getting to know you. Make sure you create an interesting and honest description of yourself. You should include things such as an introduction, your hobbies and interests, your values and morals, and other items you feel are important. Try to avoid writing with a negative attitude towards yourself. Be positive and confident.

As you are getting to know someone who you have met online, it is a good idea not to release too much information at first. At the same time, don’t act overly paranoid or insecure. As the relationship progresses and you grow more comfortable with one another, perhaps you may want to disclose more information. Just remember that the internet isn’t always safe, even if you are using a trusted online dating site.

When you find someone who you wish to meet in person, you should talk over the phone first. Being able to hear someone’s voice and how they talk let you know a little more about who they are. This will help you to get a better feel for each other, and will also let you be more comfortable when you do meet. You won’t want to feel anymore stress than you have to on your first date.

After you have chatted online for a while with someone you like, of course you will eventually want to get together for a date. A first date with someone you meet on the internet isn’t a lot different than any other first date, although it may seem more like a ‘blind date.’ Arrange to meet in a public place, just to be safe, and do something you will both enjoy. Just remember to be yourself, remain confident, and have fun! Get to know your date even better and appreciate one another’s company.

Remember: dating is about having fun! Enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. If you work at it, you can find great success with online dating.

by Corby Morris