Want to succeed in online dating? Your personal profile (or dating profile) may well be the difference between success and failure. Why?
Well, online, you are what you write. Your personal ad is your first introduction to the person you want to meet.
You see, during face to face communication other aspects such as body language, choice of clothing, individual scent, body language, poise etc. all come to play. While extremely few people (if any) are strong in all the aspects, your one or two strong areas might be so endearing that the other person might forgive or not even notice the weaknesses.
But in online dating all you have is your profile. Lose here and lose all.
Not only that but writing your profile does other positive things to you like:
1. Makes you admit that you do need to find a date.
2. Forces you to look deeper into yourself and get to know the real you.
3. Allows you to be specific about the kind of person you are looking for, beyond the basics.
I cannot overemphasize the importance of a winning personal profile, especially for the single person seeking a serious relationship.
Now, get pen and paper ready, get comfortable. You are going to take a few notes that will make your personal profile talk for you. We begin with the skeleton.
There are three key points to writing an appealing personal profile:
1. Know what you want
2. Know yourself
3. Know the type of person you want
Let’s break each of these down farther:
1. Know what you want: think about what you are looking for such as:
• A serious relationship
• Casual relationship
• A date
• A discreet partner
• An escort
• A companion
• A friend, pen pal, or e-pal
Other things that it might help think of are:
• Kids or no kids (now or in future)
• Your sexual orientation/preference
• Age range
• Race, if it’s an issue
• Religion, if this is important to you
• Geographical proximity
• Educational background if that’s important to you
Write it down.
2. Know yourself- Apart from the generic information such as your age, height and weight, you will need to know your qualities, assets and liabilities as well as hobbies, likes and dislikes. Think about:
a. Your assets: Some things to think about are:
• Sense of humor
• Ready for commitment
The above are just examples, and don’t even scrape the surface. Let your mind run. Write down everything, however trivial or ridiculous.
b. Your liabilities: these may just be opposites of assets (above) or more. List these down. Here are some examples:
• Jealous (not always a bad thing)
• Afraid of commitment
• Substance abuse or history of
• Hard to live with
Other things to think about:
• What are your strengths?
• What are your weaknesses?
• What do you like to do in your spare time?
• Where do you like to go in your spare time?
• What do your friends like about you?
• What does your mom love about you?
• If you were to change one thing about you, what would that be?
• What type of relationship do you seek?
• What are your likes/dislikes?
• What makes you good company?
3. The type of person you want: This may appear easy, but surprisingly most singles do not know what they are looking for beyond the basics.
Now, try to go beyond physical attributes and get into the soul of the person you want. Think of qualities you would like, just as you thought of your own. Also remember that similarities as well as differences do make good matches (a talkative person might match well with a quiet one, for example).
Now you have most of the basics of writing your personal profile covered. Plus, you now can provide answers to profile questions on any dating site without struggling too much.
The next step is writing your personal ad. This is the heart of your personal profile.
When writing your personal ad, remember that you are selling yourself. Emphasize on the positive, but a negative well blended into the ad might work as well, even make your ad stand out (“I may not have the body of a supermodel but…”).
But first your photo: hugely important. Why? Because it is the first thing other people will look at before deciding to read farther. Also, the number responses increase dramatically when you post a photo.
The photo should be fairly recent and of yourself (not your cute cousin’s). It should be cast you in positive light, but not overdone. And please do not post a suggestive photo on a serious dating or matchmaking site (it will not be published anyway).
Also of importance is your screen name. Prospects will look at this before deciding to whether to read any farther. Make this short, catchy and descriptive. Avoid over-used terms such as “cuteandsexy42”.
While creating a screen name, it might help to zero-in on who you are and what you like to do (For example, “petiteblueeyez32” tells something about looks and age).
Next you will begin to write your personal ad. Start with a good headline: yet another hurdle to get over. Your headline should be short, descriptive, and easy to remember. Study other peoples’ headlines and see which ones attract you.
Writing: A conversation-style writing works best for a personal profile. Use imagination. See your ideal woman/man as though seating right there in front of you. Tell her/him why she/he would want to be with you.
Say what you like to do and what makes you exciting. Get excited. Write without worrying about spelling, grammar or length. At this point you’re trying to get your emotions on paper (or typing document), and stopping to make corrections only interrupts the flow.
Describe yourself. Say what makes you special. What you bring into a relationship. Your interests, hobbies, what makes you good company, what you bring into the relationship. Pour your heart out. And use action words. Give them something to make them remember your ad.
There are things you should avoid. Among them trite, canned expressions and overused clichιs. I can’t bear to read another “looking for my knight in shinning armor” type of personal ad. Neither can you, I presume.
Study other peoples’ personal profiles. If an ad catches your eye attempt to find out what makes it interesting. Model yours on these, but please don’t copy directly. Take your time and do it right.
Be honest. Be sincere. Don’t exaggerate and don’t fake. Above all, don’t lie.
When you are done writing, take a break. Let the draft seat for a while (even a day or two). Then come back with a fresh mind and begin editing. Make corrections on spelling and grammar. Cut clutter. All you will have to do now is transfer your personal profile on to the dating site of choice.
by David Kama