Your eyes are a very important asset in the whole dating and pick up game. Ever hear a girl say “he has nice eyes” and then you look at the guy she’s admiring and his eyes don’t look like anything special.
It’s because he knows how to use his eyes to communicate confidence and sensuality. Something that took me years to figure out. You can be sensual without being sexual. There are a ton of things you can do to build attraction and every dating coach has their own opinions as well as their own field-tested results. Most will agree that your body language, how close / far away you are from her, your eyes, your vocal projection, how and when you touch her, sense of humour, confidence, etc. are all necessary ingredients for building attraction.
You are going to use your eyes to build SOME level of interest. Then you’re going to use them to build attraction. Interest, then attraction….got it? If you’re not used to looking a girl straight in the eye without making a weird face or without turning away, then it’s something you can overcome by practising. How do you practice?
Simply start making more eye contact. It helps if you bring a buddy or a female friend to walk a few feet away from you so they can see your facial expression when you do make eye contact. Their feedback will be invaluable. Here’s the biggest lesson about eye contact:
Looking a woman in the eye and holding it longer than normal communicates to her that you are confident. It tells her you are not an average guy. An average guy looks a hot girl in the eye and then looks down at the floor or he looks away. Let’s take this deeper.
Her internal biological and psychological mechanisms that CREATE or DESTROY attraction go into motion. Without even thinking about it on a conscious level she already begins to get that “ewwww” feeling.
All you’re doing from across the room, café, bowling alley, gas station, night club, bar, wherever…is communicating that “hey, I’m a great catch, I’m confident, and I’m not an average guy.”
Women, especially cute ones, get approaches by TONS of men who suck up to them and say stupid things, so by simply holding your eye contact a little longer than normal you’re telling her that there’s a small chances you are one of those guys.
There are dozens of ways to use your eyes to BUILD the attraction after you have generated initial interest. Here’s one that I used recently at a night club. I saw a group of girls at the bar getting drinks. One of the brunettes turned around to see what was going on (hot girls tend to do that) and our eyes met. We lock, 3 seconds later we both look away.
Brunette becomes intrigued and turns around again pretending to look at other people but then her eyes land on me again. To her surprise I’m still standing there, drink in my hand, and catch her gaze again. This time I take a few steps closer to her though not walking directly toward her. I’m walking more to the group to her left.
As I’m walking toward her I caress her face with eyes and let out a small smirk. I’ve read / heard some pick up artists say to never, every smile or smirk at a woman, and I could NOT disagree more. There’s a time and place for just about everything.
There are two basic types of smiles:
- A weak, needy smile.
- A smile that exudes confidence.
If you’ve watched enough movies in your lifetime you know what I’m talking about.
She smirks back. Not an ear-to-ear grin, but a smirk. Like most hot girls, this girl knew how to pace. By the time she has turned 18 years old, a hot girl has had far MORE social interactions than your typical 18 year old male.
When was the last time you had 25 to 50 females approach you in one week? One weekend? It’s not easy being a good-looking female, which is why many of them resort to being bitchy when you first approach them. I actually LIKE it when a hot babe is bitchy to me because I know she’s mistaking me for the wrong guy.
Sometimes just staying there and talking like everything’s normal does the trick.
Sometimes just saying “hey, it’s ok, relax…my bark is worse than my bite.” Back to the bar girl.
I was not at this night club to pick up. I was there with my date to dance and listen to the DJs bring the house down, but I love to flirt, especially with my eyes. So I walked by the brunette and then continued walking. This is non-neediness at it’s best. I was at the club to have a good time, not to get digits or get somewhere with any one girl.
About an hour later I bumped into her group again and decided to caress her face again with my eyes. We were about 5 inches apart, talk about creating sexual tension (a good thing in this case). She then smacks my shoulder and walks off.That smack on my shoulder was her way of telling me:
“You flirt with me with your eyes and then you don’t step up and talk to me?”
The thing is, if you’re confident you don’t give a crap on what some cute young thing thinks about you. You really don’t. So her little smack on my shoulder….I loved it man. I get smacked a lot by cute girls, I think I drive them crazy sometimes. I’m just out to have a good time. Girls GET that vibe and are drawn to it.
Remember girls can SENSE when you’re needy or WANT something from them. The hotter they are the more they will assume that you WANT them. By the way you talk, the way you move, and the way you use your eyes you can communicate to them that “there’s always another girl”…..without having to say it. It will come with practice.
So, I followed her, tapped her firmly on the shoulder, grabbed her hand, twirled her around, let her go, and then walked back to my group of friends (my date had disappeared to the bathroom). My friend told me the look on her face was “priceless”…it could have been a Mastercard commercial.
Pick up is a skill. Flirting is a skill. Just like learning tennis, how to write calligraphy, or learning a new language…it’s a real skill and it takes practice. Once you ACCEPT this fact you take away a lot of stress and self-doubt.
Then you can focus more on your goals and not so much on the PROCESS. You’ve got to practice, reject rejection, and learn to use your eyes, then you go in and make the approach, IF you want to. That’s the great thing about working on your skill set, you can opt to approach, or not. You can opt to get her phone number or simply have a great interaction with a girl and then walk away.
I do it all the time. My friends constantly tell me “dude, you should have asked for her number.”
My response is always the same:
“I chose not to.”
When you can get a date anytime you want, it no longer becomes a NECESSITY. Once you get to this level of personal development is when you know you’ve gotten rid of your neediness…..
I know you guys are going to ask me this question so I’m going to answer it right now:
“Do I have to get eye contact to talk to a girl?”
You do NOT need it. It’s great if you get it, but I’ve done some of my best work by just walking up to a girl and just start talking.
Holding your eye contact is just one of the few things you can start doing RIGHT now to begin having better results with the female population. So start having fun with this. Start experimenting with your eye contact. Who knows, you just might make a new friend.
by Rod Cortez